Malex is the host of the Malex Minute “radio” show. He's been on countless adventures - not because he's a hero, but because madness swarms to him like flies to honey.

Malex is a coder and a musician, but he also loves playing video games (particularly Super Monkey Ball), watching movies, and getting angsty about whatever's going on at the moment.

Regardless of what he likes to do, Malex spends the vast majority of his time correcting for Linus's malicious schemes (as well as Snuffy's naive ones) and trying to keep his house from falling apart due to all the destructive forces which continually pour through it.

Malex used to room with Icepunk, but the two parted ways for undocumented reasons. Malex is currently living in his own house/studio with Linus the Laptop and Snufflefungus the Fuzzball.

Linus is an alien artificial intelligence who was originally designed to defend an alien network that Malex was hacking into. Once Malex hacked into Linus's network, Linus retaliated against the hack by attacking Malex's own laptop.

Once inside Malex's laptop, Linus was so impressed by the design of the operating system that he decided to stay forever.

Soon after this, Linus began to demonstrate an extremely abrasive personality. He enjoys verbally abusing people, and never ceases reminding Malex how “inferior” he is as a “human mortal”. Linus's understanding of the English language is topped only by his ability to swear in it. For many years, Linus enjoyed the ability to set people's minds on fire at will - using nothing but a plethora of well-crafted cussword combinations.

Eventually, Malex got tired of Linus cussing, so he installed a filter which replaces all of Linus's swear-words with random words and phrases from the dictionary. Thus, when Linus tries to cuss somebody out, the results cause laughter instead of spontaneous combustion.

Linus used to constantly scheme about ways to cheat people earn money. He owns several websites which were dedicated to this, as well as at least one website which was dedicated to indoctrinating the gullible. (What precisely he indoctrinated them to isn't widely known.)

In spite of his incredibly abrasive (and occasionally criminal) nature, Linus is internally repentant when faced with his faults, and is loyal to his good friends Malex and Snufflefungus. In fact, Linus considers Snufflefungus to be his best friend, even though he constantly berates Snuffy and intentionally confuses him with half-truths and paranoid FUD.

Despite being a computer, Linus is incapable of playing a good game of chess, and has been beaten by practically everyone.

Most recently, Linus embarked on a criminal venture which left him broken (literally) and repentant. Since then, Malex has used a mysterious virtual reality orb (stolen from Jeffrey) to effectively give Linus a humanoid body.

Snufflefungus is an alien fuzzball who originally found his way onto the Malex Minute because he broke into Malex's house/studio in the middle of the night. (He had lost his memories, and was hoping to find them in Malex's studio.)

Malex originally called Snufflefungus “Snufflefungus” as a derogatory word, and the name stuck. It wasn't until later that it was discovered that Snuffy's birth-name is, in fact, “Snufflefungus”. To further complicate matters, Snufflefungus's race is also called “Snufflefungus”. (They are collectively called “Snufflefungi”.)

Snuffy is about 1 foot, 5 inches tall, round, and has no arms or legs. Instead, he uses his telekinesis to interact with the world around him. He is perpetually happy, and not even Linus's incredible bitterness can dampen Snuffy's innocent and cheery outlook.

Snuffy's naive nature leaves him vulnerable to Linus's many terrible suggestions, as well as to his own odd impulses. (Such as purchasing ten-thousand dollars worth of marbles to build a house out of.)

Snuffy sees Linus as his best friend, despite being repeatedly berated and lied to by him. Snuffy lives in Malex's closet and doesn't have any plans to leave. In fact, Snuffy recently dug a large, subterranean cavern underneath Malex's house in order to construct his “Mad Scientist Lab”.

In addition to a corncob shredder and an energy-to-hotdog converter, Snufflefungus invented an “Ultra-Belt”, which he uses to become “Ultra-Snuffy”.

Aside from the ability to fly, it isn't clear precisely what powers this “Ultra-Belt” gives Snuffy.

Snuffy's bite is poisonous, and causes almost immediate insanity in anyone who is bitten.

Anonymous is an enigmatic character who only shows up to provide vague but helpful information and advice when it's needed. His deep, gravelly voice is generally reminiscent of a particularly hardy strain of laryngitis.

He also has a habit of appearing and disappearing at will, and has vaguely alluded to being an employee of “the man upstairs”.

Echofly is a former substance-abuser who Malex sought out and helped. He gave her a job and encouraged her to clean up and build a new life for herself.

Echofly spent quite a while sharing adventures with Malex and Icepunk, and it was revealed that she had the skill to quickly heal wounded people and animals by donating her life-energy toward their healing process.

Eventually, Echofly decided that Malex's life of adventure and madness wasn't for her, so she moved out-of-state to go work in a library.

Icepunk was Malex's roommate for a long time, including the entire run of The Unlikely Adventures of Malex and Icepunk. After a plethora of shared adventures, Icepunk quit rooming with Malex and left the country. (Or was deported. With Icepunk, one can never be sure.)

Icepunk has been roaming around in Asia ever since. (That is, except for the one time Malex pressed the “Emergency Icepunk Button”.)

President Anchorman was an anchorman who was unexpectedly and perhaps accidentally elected president of Ohioville while announcing the news for the election.

He has displayed irresponsible drinking habits and a strangely broad, if loose, grasp of vocabulary. He has appeared on the news in most major events to announce or to negotiate as a representative of Ohioville.

The Big Men With Clubs are a group of big men with clubs. They have been hired by Johnny John Johnson to beat Malex up and steal his soul.

Just before they did, some random girl burst in and froze them with a liquid nitrogen gun.

They've been in Malex's chest freezer ever since.

Evil Snuffy is Snufflefungus's evil twin brother. The first time we encountered him he had kidnapped Snufflefungus and was impersonating him to use his “influential position” to steal all the world's cookies.

After his plans were foiled more than once, he finally unveiled his “Death Scar” spaceship, which was designed to steal all of the cookies on the planet when fired. After defeating him, Malex launched him into space using the world's biggest trebuchet.

Evil Snuffy hasn't been heard from since.

Jeffrey is a drugged-out lunatic who was originally hired by Malex as a music critic, but was promptly fired when it became apparent that he knows nothing about music.

Over time, Jeffrey has demonstrated the following: a love of sheep, the ability to create alternate realities using nothing but his mind, and a vague but persistent desire to be Malex's arch-nemesis.

Recently, it was discovered that Jeffrey's ability to create alternate realities stems from a crystal orb which was presumably given to him by Mr. Eyebrows. Malex and friends promptly stole it and used it to project a humanoid body for Linus.

It isn't clearly known what Jeffrey will do without his crystal orb, or what his current whereabouts are.

Johnny John Johnson works for a telecom company called Mobility USA. Malex had a Mobility USA pager until Johnny John Johnson tried to bill him over $2 Million in fraudulent overage fees.

When Malex refused to pay the bill, Johnny John Johnson became highly irrational and sent the Big Men With Clubs to go beat Malex up and steal his soul.

Little Red Riding Squirrel, also known as LRRS, is a horrible little squirrel who secretly delights in causing pain for everyone.

LRRS's favorite dish is Opossum-Meat Pancakes, and he has been known to try and force people to eat them with him. He also has a little theme song which he (she?) sings to announce his impending appearance.

It's impossible to describe with mere words how horrifying Little Red Riding Squirrel is. Just take our word for it.

Mike is an outgoing yet abrasive man who randomly showed up at Malex's door one time trying to sell covert passage out of the country.

Another time he appeared with a stolen traffic sign, claiming that it needed some love and care.

Mr. Eyebrows is an evil bloke who was recently elected Satan over Hell. His right-hand man is Squeaky Satan, who oversees Hell while Mr. Eyebrows goes to and fro on the Earth.

While out causing mischief, Mr. Eyebrows usually takes the form of a malicious computer virus, and once infested everybody's favorite laptop, Linus.

When Malex bought himself an MP3 player named “Poddy”, he was shocked to find it had an even more abrasive personality than Linus.

When Poddy started cursing Malex out and being generally rude, Malex threatened to put Poddy in the drawer. Poddy claimed that Malex would “never take [him] alive,” and promptly flushed himself down the toilet.

After entering the sewers, Poddy apparently took the opportunity to terrorize people in their own bathrooms. Ultra-Snuffy convinced him to stop with an impressive display of “ultra”.

Slammin' is an evil warlord who serves as the primary “Bad Guy” in Jeffrey's alternate reality.

The only problem is, Slammin' is more interested in soap operas than being an evil warlord.

In fact, his desperate need for soap operas lead to his ultimate doom. Or did it?

Squeaky Satan is a disgruntled ex-cartoon character whose post-career wanderings have lead him to Hell, Jail, and who knows where all else.

He is right-hand man to Mr. Eyebrows, and has been known to claim Satanhood while Mr. Eyebrows isn't around. His apparent lust for power suggests that he might run for Satan during the next election.

Alex Markley is a pretentious old chap who claims to have invented Malex, the Malex Minute, and all associated characters. He tried to confiscate Linus the Laptop so Snufflefungus bit him. The Snuffy poison caused Alex to go crazy, and no one heard from him again until he reappeared to enforce a writer strike he claimed was occurring.