Malex’s Thoughts

Who among us can resist playing with bubbles? Only the very strongest, I fear, and even they cannot resist for long. Unfortunately, these particular bubbles appear to have some traits which make them difficult, or even dangerous, to play with.

Fortunately for our heroes, President Anchorman is aware of the problem. How else could he perform the difficult task of forgetting about it within mere minutes?

It’s good to know that President Anchorman has people he can trust behind the scenes... Helping. We, the people, may breath a sigh of relief knowing that someone is watching over President Anchorman, probably breathless with pupil-dilating terror every single time the man gets up to speak.

Either way, I need to get back to work.

ttyl!

--Alex Markley

“What the heck, Schrödinger! I ask you to cat-sit one time and this is how you repay me?!”

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Transcript (See below for credits.)

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody, welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m Malex, and I’m your host for today.

Linus: And you’ve come at a very bad time. Why don’t you return next year, so we can discuss refunding your thirty seconds then?

Malex: Aha, don’t mind him. Linus is just very uncomfortable with Snufflefungus’s choice of recreation today.

Linus: Where did he find this bubble liquid? The bubbles are amassing into suds that dwarf the car!

Snufflefungus: (Overly excited) They’re so big! It’s a dream come true!

Malex: Snuffy, where did this bubble liquid come from?

Snufflefungus: On the Internet! Oh Malex, look how big that one is!

Malex: Where on the Internet?

Snufflefungus: If you’re worried about me spending money, don’t be! The people were really, really, really generous. They were trying to give it to me for free! The said they wouldn’t take “No,“ for an answer!

Malex: Snufflefungus, who were these people?

Snufflefungus: They were “representatives of Mr. Happy’s Bubble Mart,” trying to market a new product.

Malex: Mr. Happy’s Bubble Mart, eh?

Snufflefungus: Yeah, a new competitor to Mr. Bubble’s Happy Mart, I expect. Look, I can push it around and it won’t break!

Linus: Since when do sales representatives market a new product by forcing people to take it for free?

Snufflefungus: I dunno, maybe they were just really generous!

Linus: Did they say what the normal price was?

Snufflefungus: Well no, they said the product was still in the prototype phase, and all the developers on the team refused to test it. So they were willing to give it to me for free if I would test it for them!

Malex: Hmm, that sounds ominous.

Linus: So what makes them think that they can compete against Mr. Bubble’s Happy Mart? Why should a customer buy their bubbles from Mr. Happy’s Bubble Mart instead of the bigger company?

Snufflefungus: They said that kids’ biggest complaint when playing with traditional bubbles was that the bubbles were too small and delicate. Their slogan is, “Little bubbles are for the neighbor kids! Mr. Happy’s Bubble Mart has the gigantic bubbles you’ve always dreamed of!” I just wonder how they knew that I’ve always dreamed of gigantic bubbles?

Linus: One of nature’s deepest mysteries.

Malex: Snufflefungus, did they say how they were making the bubbles so big?

Snufflefungus: Nope! All they said was that they had to build a specialized laboratory and recruit some top scientists. Something about heavily regulated chemicals and carbon nanomaterials.

Linus: What?! It’s like a freaking nimbus land in here! (Forced calm.) Snufflefungus... What sort of heavily regulated chemicals are involved again?

Snufflefungus: I dunno, they didn’t say. Look at that one!

Malex: Is this stuff going to harm the furniture?

Snufflefungus: Nope, just carry it away! Look, there goes the couch!

Linus: (Trips over bubble with a thud that sounds like concrete.) Ow, my shin!

Malex: Don’t run into the bubbles, Linus. They’re starting to harden.

Cow: Moo!

Malex: Ah, and there goes a cow!

Snufflefungus: This is so fun!

~~ Scene change.

President Anchorman: Ladies and... People, I bring grim news to my own attention on the presumptuous pretext of it having any bearing on you whatsoever. You will have to run for the hills, the country, or outside the country, or even... the refrigerator. My fellow Ohiovillains, there is no monster under the covers! This one is war! And no dictator with greasy fingers will threaten our fair nation! It was seven-score and five years ago that our forefathers said it was fourscore and seven years ago that, well, anybody around here had the sense to tell me to get to the point. And I resent it.

Secret Serviceman: Umm, sir? Why are you looking at me?

President Anchorman: Because you’re much more a wholesome sight to look at accusingly than the real culprit, whose name is on the slip of my tongue. Anyway people of this nauseous state, I urge thee, on behalf of the media and the paparazzi and everybody who has to look at the photographs that they print... Look pretty for the pictures, will ya’? And you there in the back! What do you propose the deep, evasive meaning is of this red flag that you are flying?

Cabinet Adviser: Umm... Remember the signals we discussed, Mr. President?

President Anchorman: I must admit, it seems to have slipped my mind. What does the red flag mean again? That I should...

Cabinet Adviser: Stay more on topic.

President Anchorman: Oh, more on topic. That’s right... That’s right... Oh, the wonders of today’s technology! Thank you, Mr. Cabinet Adviser.

Cabinet Adviser: Thank you sir, just doing my job.

President Anchorman: So my topic was, in its most natural environment, a fascinating one. The danger is grave, young sideways folk, and I caution you to solemnly take refuge from... the bubbles. That’s right Ladies and Gentlemen, these shiny brown pimples coming from a wand with a recipe involving little children and bubble liquid of some nefarious sort. As I mentioned before, it will be effecting the economy in Europe, but not your bedtime. See, there have been a number of radiologists and astrologists and goodness knows what all else in the armed forces that have taken soundings of a suburban area in Ohioville, and it has been confirmed that there is a house filled with the most astronomical of bubbles. These bubbles, according to NASA, are in danger of incurring a lower orbit around the sun due to their density and tenacity and several other words I simply can’t figure out. Just one of these spheres is hard enough to pave a road with, so you know they’re not to be trifled with. As I understand it... I mean, from what I have been told, we are sending troops in to deal with the matter, but I really don’t care. In fact I’m- Wait, hold on. Somebody wavin’ a flag at me. Hold on, I’ll be right back.

~~ Scene Change.

Malex: Snufflefungus, quiet down for a minute. Who are these people pulling up in our driveway?

Snufflefungus: I dunno! Maybe they saw the bubbles and wanted to come play with me! I know I wouldn’t have been able to resist.

Malex: I don’t think so, Snufflefungus. They look more official than that.

Linus: (Screaming.) They’re from the army! I haven’t done anything recently!

Malex: Linus, settle down! They haven’t even knocked on the door yet!

Linus: They’re coming for me!

Malex: Uh... no they’re not, they’re driving away!

Linus: What? Lemme see. What...? The ground! It’s driving away too!

Malex: There’s a bubble around the house! It’s carrying us away!

Snufflefungus: What fun!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.

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